*forgive me, Heart, for I have sinned*

I feel ashamed today.....my dear heart. Ashamed for saying something about a matter that i had no knowledge of. Ashamed for raising a voice but said the wrong thing. This is one of those rare moments when i feel regret because things that are said can not be taken back. Things that are done can not be undone.

But I thought I was doing good to someone. That's not an excuse. That doesn't make it okay, I know. But I really didnt know I was messing it all up.

How do I forgive myself?

*opposite of love*

"You know, the opposite of Love isn't hate. It is indifference. If you hate me that means you still care."

               -Bree in Desperate Housewives

*wobbly head package*

Today while out for an errand, this little boy running around the office caught my eye. And to my surprise, I started looking at him and for the very first time in my life...a very strange natured thought crossed my mind - I wished I had a son/daughter like that to love and hold and play with!!! As soon as I realized what I was just thinking, my eyes got wider. Omg. Hehe I am not even married or engaged and dont plan to tie the knot for a good few more years! Whats happening!

Waise I always had a strong desire to nurture kids, mine or not. But that want was occasional and conveniently convenient for me. I always loved the fact that I could hand the kid over to someone else when it starts to get messy, or leaky ;) or just annoying. Hey - give me a break. Sometimes kids can be preeeety annoying.

But today morning.....for a second there....I wanted it all. All the messiness...the leakiness....the annoyance.....the whole wobbly head package!

Wow! What a morning!

*what a lovely concept*

 Here's a cool YouTube video

*drowning*

In deadlines

*most relaxing time of the day*

Fajr time for sure! Before everyone has woken up....brewing a full cup of coffee and checking mail full of spam :) n looking at the clock to strike it fajr time.

*Life*

It goes on....no matter what.

*Drenching me once again with love - my memories*

It's raining again - drenching my heart with memories of the past once again. The colorful red, blue and golden wings of my yesterday are fluttering by past my eyes making me forget my today. making me forget even sorrowful yesterday except for those colorful moments. I feel as if I am experiencing them again. Who is to say the past has actually passed? after all, humans are the only one bound by time. the time always stays the same, the memories stay where they are as if on a film strip.

Let me go back and relive them as if rewinding a movie.

I see laughter......I feel a heart full of love and happiness. and the rain, oh so beautiful...Green trees and wind swaying them here to there.......

closing my eyes, I am right there, right now. and I am happy. right now just as happy as I was back then. Lovely moments are forever in our memory and if we can deceive our heart into getting out of this time loop, You can experience them once again. They never go away. They have never passed. They are still in the Now - the present - in another dimension.

**the main cause of unhappiness**

What is happiness? It is the feeling you feel when your desires meet your reality.

Unfortunately, human nature is to leap from one desire to another as soon as the previous one is achieved.

Thus, the main cause of unhapiness isn't ur current state of reality  - may it be small salary, house, etc. The main cause of unhappiness is the difference between your desires and your reality.

*ever wondered*

Ever wondered what he might be thinking? It breaks me inside thinking that he might not have had anything to eat for days while i just finished a full meal with an added desert. Why are some infortunate than others? That's because we humans have forgotton the very first rules of humanity.

Some day, when I am not a jobless bum, i will feed him and many others, inshallah......... won't that make you happy, Dear Heart?

*summer*

I am begining to like summer.

*wiser*

I wanted to be wise. Bachpan se hi. And my prayers are coming true. What better way to be wiser than by having to go thru and solve problems?

*vast sea*

Writing a blog is very therapeutic. It's sort of similar to writing all your worries on a piece of paper and throwing them away into a sea where your worries will be engulfed into it's vastness.

*Church bells*

They are resounding, making me realize the hour has passed. It's a new melodious begining.

Smile.

*Calm and Quiet*

Calm and Quiet has settled in. It's for the best. Past was my dreamworld, present is a good teacher, and tomorrow? who knows......I am holding on to hope.