**Teenage Romance**

Yes, I want it...... I want a Teenage romance.

Oh to be able to feel someone's arms around me

and know that He feels butterflies too, in his stomach

and He too loves the smell of my fragrance as I do his, Yes!

I want it.... not that I had it when in my teens

Maybe that's why I am still seeking it....believing it....that someday it will....happen so, as i want it

somehow, someone would appear from the dark shadows of doubt and embrace me like Cinderella or kiss me as if I am snow white?

Oh boy, do I want it!

to feel the honey dew drops on my lips as his lips touch mine

I want it, As our breaths run away and we make an orchard with only our hands, and out come butterflies and all the beautiful things that can, I want it.

Magic made by his hands as he take a strand and brush it away from my eyes and my eyes twinkle

in this romance and I live!  after a thousand deaths as he says my name with that love in his voice and I swing around and meet him half way, on an old rusted bridge,  as if two lovers meeting at the end of  a fairytale, I want it!

Yes, I want it......that Teenage romance...

-Sana

**Join hands with me; let's walk towards a lighter heart**

There was a game we used to play in my Sunday school at the Mosque. It went something like this: You state something you hate about your life (if has to be something you really really hate or regret) and then you add "Allhumdullilah" and then state something that you have instead of that bad thing.

Let's create some positive energy; I will start. 

I HATE living so far away from Ammi jaan, but Allhudullilah, i know she is right there when i need her, only one phone call away.

Your turn!

*I am the bestest sister in the world! *

Just when u think life is so bland, you are reminded of how colorful it really is, if you just open ur eyes...... :) I love you, my Yummy!

11:24

Innocent Pari

hmmm

awwwwwwwwwww cute

11:26

Sana

:)

11:26

Innocent Pari

http://funmail.com/publish/new?search_result_id=6075272

this is 4 u

11:28

Sana

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

thats beautiful!

11:27

Innocent Pari

heheheh

ap se zyaada nai hai

11:28

Sana

hehehehe

Innocent Pari
11:28
heeheheh 

(giggling is a genetic disorder that runs in my family from my mother's side)

Yay!!!! Vacations!!!

Oh how shall I spend thee, my love, let me count the ways......

*Amazing sight*

While walking towards the university today, A tree was so kind as to shower me with its leaves lovingly! It was like something out of a romance movie. As soon as I stepped under it, these yellow and orange leaves started falling all over me as the wind gushed by. It was an amazing feeling!!!! I am gonna be smiling all day today :) and if you see me smile, you know the reason behind it.

It seems as if the nature is also pitching in for my plan of a happier blog!

*peace*

Breathe in.......breathe out

*titli, khwaab, main aur aaj*

Ek rang birangi titli ke jaisa

Hai mera Khwaab.... aur kuch bhi nahi

Bachpann mein jaise nanhe haathon se

usko paana chahti thi main

Aaj bhi waise haath badhaya

bachpann ke jaise, aankhon ko meecha

Dua bhi ki thi hazaar....magar

titli toh panchi jaisi hai, aur khwaab?

woh bhi toh panchi jaisa hai...

udhte rehna kaam dono ka....

Asha karna bas mera kaam

*Lone Wolf*

"Well, in wolf pack, we are all jerks. But when you see a lone wolf. You see his sweet side."

*Life*

*Hush, little baby, don't say a word*

People come to me when they want a shoulder to cry on. I know exactly how to make someone feel better or at least lessen their burden. I am so wise, they tell me. I am very composed. Yet here I am.....my whole existence flickering like a candle flame in a storm.

**Jealousy**

Yes, I feel it. I have felt it many times in fact. I recall this one patch of time in my past when chah ke bhi I couldn’t control my jealousy. That’s when an angel taught me a lesson of a lifetime. It said, “Jealousy Pyar dikhata hai” And now that I think of it….its true. Shayad Pyar ka doosra naam hi jealousy hai. We all experience it at one time or another in our lives. Sometimes when someone we love dearly starts showing more interest in someone else, we get this feeling inside. Our heart starts to scream, “Nooooo!” The root cause? Fear of losing him/her. Toh yeh toh achhi baat hoi na? Then why is jealousy a bad word? Well, it all depends on how we handle jealousy; what we do with our emotions; if we let our jealousy make us do things we normally might not do. After all, Amal ka dar-o-madar niyat pe hota hai.

If you are feeling jealous. Keep feeling it. That's a good sign. A sign that, that person means something very special to you. But don't just stop there. Take a step ahead of nature and control your actions. Don't let your jealousy ruin yours or someone else's life. Because it does have that potential, you know. Saab kuch jala kar raakh karne ki potential.

*I promise*

Do it right the first time. Second time just wastes time.              

*Extremely*

*Tired*

I am tired....tired of life. How ungrateful of me! I know....but how do you control your emotions?              

*Small Pleasures*

*Life*

"Don't look for straight lines, Maya. Life is never like that."

                                                            -Rasa Devi

*Sometimes*

*Someone is watching over me*

I wake up at the dawn

and feel my pain a little lighter than yesterday

day after day....

*I adore you*

*aaj meein bahot khush hoon*

Kissi ki khushi mein khush hona kitna acha lagta hai na :)

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*Life goes on.....*

To elaborate on that, I would need to consult my heart and unfortunately, He and I are not on talking terms for now....

*Once again*

Life goes on...

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*putting my foot down*

Enough is ENOUGH, dear heart. bahot ho gai tumhari man maani. now It's time for the brain to take over. I think I have spoiled you alot, haven't I? I know tum bahot bhoolay ho. You don't think about the consequences...but the reality is....sometimes, one has to worry about the consequences. I am at the brink of losing a friend. and It's all because of your stupidity. Stupid, stupid heart. Main tumse bahot naraaz hon. and you should learn something from all this, don't just sit there looking glum!

*Dekho in ki aankh macholi*

kaale kaale badal ghir ke
Dekho boondain bar saayain

Suraj bhi chup chup jaaye
Aur badal shoor machayain

Suraj phir jhaankain jhilli se
Aur chupke se muskaye

Yeh aankh macholi dekho kaise
Din bhar khailay jaayain

Ek idhar toh doja ghayab
Peeche ko chup jaaye

Kabhi halki phuwar aur suraj
Yeh aapas mein mil jaaye

Phir karke kuch kaana phoosi
Mujhko yeh darayee

San san hawain aur garaj
Mere dil ko dhadka jaayain

Though not initially meant to be, this poem sounds like a nursery rhyme :)

*Kuch ankahi si baatein*

Kuch ankahi si baatein
Kuch bin bitayi raatein
Aankhon mein basaye sapne
Mein rakh leti hoon

Shayad kisi din inki
Zarorat usse padh jaaye
Bar waqt kaam aajaye
Abhi jo parwaan chadh na paaye

Main rakh leti hoon

Un sabhi barish ki boondho ko
Jo bin barse hi laut gayi....

Woh muskurhat uske honto ki
Jo dil mein kahi hai bas gayi

Kuch chehakti subhe bhi
    ................aur do pahar ki khamoshi

Main rakh leti hoon...

Wow, why am I in such a poetic mood these days??? :) Lucky you guys (my readers)] [ if any] **wink**

*Dua*

Haath utha ke, palkain bicha ke
Aaj maine apne Rabb se ek Dua ki hai


Maanga hai Rabb se tera Pyar bhara dil
Aur kuch saath mein lamhaat ki guzarish ki hai


Kuch kehne sa pehle hi, Usne padh liya meri aankhon mein
Ke kitne Mann se maine teri chahat ki hai


De deta hai Woh dil khol ke, Uske Darr pe kami kya hai
Magar aaj se pehle na maine kisi ki khwahish ki hai


Kaafi arsa hua kisi ne dil ko chua hai
Mere ahsaso ko, khwabo ko parha hai

Mujhe mehsoos kiya hai, apne Dil mein liya hai

Kho na don aisa dost kahi
Dil mein yeh darr sa utha hai

Isi liye........

Haath utha ke, palkain bicha ke
Aaj maine apne Rabb se ek Dua ki hai

*Love*

Love is a constant passion to give, not a meek persistent hope to receive.

*Roller-coaster ride*

Our emotions are something! you know what I mean, Dear Heart, don't you? Part of it is your fault and part of it is probably mine. :) whoever's fault it may be, Thank you for this roller-coaster ride!

*Be!*

It is never too late to be what you might have been.
-- George Eliot

*Curse or a Blessing?*

I have been debating over that for some time now. Being able to get attached to people/things and places lightening fast, is it a curse or a blessing? Sometimes I feel like a little kid. Not 2 or 3 years old, but a kid one week old. When you let them hold your finger they wrap around their palm so hard that it becomes hard to break your finger away even though you weigh lot more than them. Biologically, they do it because they are out of the womb now and still very afraid of the world. They see a friendly finger and hold onto it as if holding onto their dear life!

But what do you say when a 25 year old does this??? Curse or a Blessing?

*Har harkat mein parchai teri toh hai*

Aankhon mein nami

Honto ki hansi

Who jhukti palak

Toh kabhi ghoorti aankhein

Meri har harkat mein

Teri parchai toh hai

Who raato mein gaal pe rakh ke haath

Aankhein meeche laytay rehna tera

Who subho main uthna, angrai leke

Kabhi kabhi baanho mein lena tera

main ab bhi kabhi laytay laytay yunhi

le leta hoon baanho mein tumhe

Mujh main sama gayi ho tum

Meri har harkat mein parchai teri toh hai

*power of attraction*

.......or just a coincidence?

I have been using education as my password for past one year and suddenly I get a job at the college of education. Just a thought that crossed my mind.

Next password? Tall, dark and handsome *wink*

*Why did you give me the job?"

There were interviews where I walked out 100% sure I got the job (but I didn't), and then there were interviews where I was 50-50% sure I might get the job(and I didn't), but this one??? I was 100% sure I won't get the job(but I did!).

I blanked out on the last half of the questions totally, I stuttered and used "like" a lot (which i have been kicking myself for doing ever since), I slumped and replied to every questions with "Sorry, I don't know how to answer that" or "Sorry, my mind is totally blanking out right now".....And I walked out of the room, got inside the elevator and thought "Boy! that was embarassing, I wish i never get to see them around the university."

But then, Mr. B called and said, "I would like to offer you the job" and I went numb. like wha???

and now, one and a half month into the job, I still wonder why? hehehe sometimes I feel the urge to just ask him....but I don't think it would be appropriate just now. Maybe after 3 or 4 years later.

**Noor**

I feel my heart filled with Noor today and it emanates outward bathing everything around me. Every thing looks extra white, extra sweet and extra peaceful. Even my room seem a little brighter. Maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me or maybe it's something else....something inexplicable, something that the Angels only know....a best kept secret. I, merely a human, can only wonder and smile as I suspect a shadow run past by me from the corner of my eye, scattering fragrance out of this world and blessings one didn't think were possible.

*Never again*

You know how you shout at the TV when something stupid is going on in a Bollywood movie. like Go! stupid, she is waiting for you. or, Say you love her already! well...never again am i going to call those story lines stupid. Because, it's not just bollywood being bollywood. Sometimes, things like that really do happen in real life. *sigh* They really do.

Life is very complicated. Another lesson learned and safely stashed away in my brain.

*jeeyo Islam*

Islam dikhana asaan hota hai, magar usse jeena mushkil.....aur jisne Islam jee liya, dil se, uska dil itna paak hoga jaise kissi ek din ke bachhe ka.

I want to live Islam....not merely show.

*dreams*

Yes.....I have them......Infact, I have more than I probably should. Will they ever come true? Time will tell....wont it?

*Something that I miss*

I used to write a journal long before I started a blog. You know, as you advance in life and "upgrade", sometimes you miss the old ways. I miss writing in a journal, seeing my thoughts in my own handwriting. But I like the fact that on this blog, I can share my inner most thoughts with friendly strangers on the world wide web. It's one of those things when you are emotionally divided, cut into two pieces. Miss the other way when doing this and miss this if you are doing that.

*can't describe*

The feeling of achievement.......the feeling of finishing something that is perfect down to it's minute details. It's something one must feel and enjoy when life presents a chance like this.

Look at the Date!

OMG, The whole month is gone! Time flies, doesn't it? Whether you are having fun or not. Looking back at this month now, I am filled with even more anxiety than I experienced over the course of the month. There was so much to be done that is NOT done yet!!! eeeekkkkksssss. I know, I know....There is always tomorrow. but somethings are lost forever if not done in a timely manner. Despair? yes, i am feeling that along with anxiety, fear, and regret.

You know, sometimes, It's wise to feel regret. Lessons lose their meaning if they are not accompanied by strong emotions. Regret is the strongest of emotions, next to love.

*Sleep*

It's funny how you never appreciate something until after it's gone...**sigh**

*new job*

Feeling an anxiety attack :(

*cool things in life*

You know what a cool thing is to see???  Seeing a person's nail being pulled out!

No no. I am not a sadist. It's just that today i saw this procedure at my local hospital where i volunteer! It was very informative. Dr. parikh asked me to tag along with him today and boy was that FUN!

You know what? I enjoy sick people- i mean i enjoy HELPING sick people.hehehe :)



And you know what, there wasn't as much blood as I though there might be. Hmmmmmm

*bad choices*

I should have chosen green tea instead of banana milk shake to take soda's place.

*not according to plan*

Wanting to cut down on coke, i started drinking milk with banana everytime i craved coke. Now :( i have gained 4 lbs **runs screaming** 

*forgive me, Heart, for I have sinned*

I feel ashamed today.....my dear heart. Ashamed for saying something about a matter that i had no knowledge of. Ashamed for raising a voice but said the wrong thing. This is one of those rare moments when i feel regret because things that are said can not be taken back. Things that are done can not be undone.

But I thought I was doing good to someone. That's not an excuse. That doesn't make it okay, I know. But I really didnt know I was messing it all up.

How do I forgive myself?

*opposite of love*

"You know, the opposite of Love isn't hate. It is indifference. If you hate me that means you still care."

               -Bree in Desperate Housewives

*wobbly head package*

Today while out for an errand, this little boy running around the office caught my eye. And to my surprise, I started looking at him and for the very first time in my life...a very strange natured thought crossed my mind - I wished I had a son/daughter like that to love and hold and play with!!! As soon as I realized what I was just thinking, my eyes got wider. Omg. Hehe I am not even married or engaged and dont plan to tie the knot for a good few more years! Whats happening!

Waise I always had a strong desire to nurture kids, mine or not. But that want was occasional and conveniently convenient for me. I always loved the fact that I could hand the kid over to someone else when it starts to get messy, or leaky ;) or just annoying. Hey - give me a break. Sometimes kids can be preeeety annoying.

But today morning.....for a second there....I wanted it all. All the messiness...the leakiness....the annoyance.....the whole wobbly head package!

Wow! What a morning!

*what a lovely concept*

 Here's a cool YouTube video

*drowning*

In deadlines

*most relaxing time of the day*

Fajr time for sure! Before everyone has woken up....brewing a full cup of coffee and checking mail full of spam :) n looking at the clock to strike it fajr time.

*Life*

It goes on....no matter what.

*Drenching me once again with love - my memories*

It's raining again - drenching my heart with memories of the past once again. The colorful red, blue and golden wings of my yesterday are fluttering by past my eyes making me forget my today. making me forget even sorrowful yesterday except for those colorful moments. I feel as if I am experiencing them again. Who is to say the past has actually passed? after all, humans are the only one bound by time. the time always stays the same, the memories stay where they are as if on a film strip.

Let me go back and relive them as if rewinding a movie.

I see laughter......I feel a heart full of love and happiness. and the rain, oh so beautiful...Green trees and wind swaying them here to there.......

closing my eyes, I am right there, right now. and I am happy. right now just as happy as I was back then. Lovely moments are forever in our memory and if we can deceive our heart into getting out of this time loop, You can experience them once again. They never go away. They have never passed. They are still in the Now - the present - in another dimension.

**the main cause of unhappiness**

What is happiness? It is the feeling you feel when your desires meet your reality.

Unfortunately, human nature is to leap from one desire to another as soon as the previous one is achieved.

Thus, the main cause of unhapiness isn't ur current state of reality  - may it be small salary, house, etc. The main cause of unhappiness is the difference between your desires and your reality.

*ever wondered*

Ever wondered what he might be thinking? It breaks me inside thinking that he might not have had anything to eat for days while i just finished a full meal with an added desert. Why are some infortunate than others? That's because we humans have forgotton the very first rules of humanity.

Some day, when I am not a jobless bum, i will feed him and many others, inshallah......... won't that make you happy, Dear Heart?

*summer*

I am begining to like summer.

*wiser*

I wanted to be wise. Bachpan se hi. And my prayers are coming true. What better way to be wiser than by having to go thru and solve problems?

*vast sea*

Writing a blog is very therapeutic. It's sort of similar to writing all your worries on a piece of paper and throwing them away into a sea where your worries will be engulfed into it's vastness.

*Church bells*

They are resounding, making me realize the hour has passed. It's a new melodious begining.

Smile.

*Calm and Quiet*

Calm and Quiet has settled in. It's for the best. Past was my dreamworld, present is a good teacher, and tomorrow? who knows......I am holding on to hope.

*a fairytale love*

I think every girl deserves a fairytale love.

*New Day*

It's a new day today. I am going to forget yesterday's burdens and forgive. Enjoy the right now instead of dwelling in the yesteryear or tomorow.